Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS is based on the idea that our inner world functions like a family system. Just like members of a family can have different needs, temperaments, and roles, the parts within us do too.
You might have a part that wants to please others, another that’s hyper-critical, and another that feels young and scared. While this might sound chaotic, IFS shows us that our inner system is actually trying its best to maintain balance and protect us. Every part has a story, and every part has a reason for being there.
What Are the Parts?
According to IFS, there are three main types of parts:
Managers
These parts run our day-to-day lives. They’re proactive and often perfectionistic. Their purpose is to keep us functioning, organized, and emotionally safe. For example, a manager might push us to work harder to avoid feelings of worthlessness.
Exiles
These are wounded parts that carry burdens from past experiences, especially childhood. They are often hidden away because their pain feels overwhelming. Exiles hold deep emotional truths we’ve tried to forget or avoid, like feelings of shame, abandonment, or fear.
Firefighters
When exiles are triggered and start to overwhelm us with emotional pain, firefighters jump in to quickly distract or numb us. This could be through overeating, substance use, dissociation, or other compulsive behaviors. They aren’t bad; they’re just trying to put out emotional fires as fast as possible.
Each of these parts has a protective function. Even when their strategies seem harmful or extreme, their intentions are usually rooted in self-preservation.
The Self
In IFS, there’s a central concept called the Self. It’s not a part; it’s the main essence of who we are. The Self is calm, compassionate, curious, and connected. It’s the natural leader of our internal system, and every person has a Self, no matter how wounded or chaotic things might feel inside.
The goal of IFS therapy isn’t to eliminate our parts, but to help them trust the Self enough to relax, let go of their less helpful roles, and heal from past experiences.
Where Do Parts Come From?
Parts develop in response to life experiences. When something painful, confusing, or traumatic happens, especially in childhood, parts take on roles to protect us from that pain. For example, a child who feels abandoned by their parent might develop a manager part that becomes extremely self-reliant, or a firefighter part that uses distraction to avoid feelings of loneliness.
These adaptations are helpful in the moment, even if they later create problems. Parts often get “frozen” in time, still reacting as if the old danger is happening now. That’s why we might find ourselves overreacting to present-day situations. A teenager who develops a “shut-down” part to survive bullying might struggle with emotional intimacy in adulthood, even when the original threat is long gone.
How Healing Happens in IFS
IFS therapy is a process of building relationships with our parts from the perspective of the Self. The therapist helps clients access their Self and begin a dialogue with the parts that are in pain, in conflict, or carrying burdens from the past.
Healing involves:
- Letting each part share what happened, how it feels, and what it needs
- Unburdening old beliefs and painful emotions
- Reintegrating parts so they can take on a more supportive, creative, or playful role in the family system
Is IFS right for you?
If you feel fragmented by internal conflicts, you’re not alone. “Part of me wants to quit this job, but part of me is terrified.” “I know it’s not healthy, but I can’t stop.” These are parts trying to protect us in different ways. Contact us today to get started on a journey of harmonizing your parts. Through IFS therapy, you can better connect with yourself and the outside world.
