Getting back into dating after a long-term break from being a part of the single crowd can be incredibly intimidating. But at the end of the day, meeting new people, making connections, and finding a new person to share your life with really can be worth the initial scare.
This said, before diving headfirst into the dating pool, it’s a good idea to think about what you’ve learned and what you want going forward. To get you started, try giving yourself some time to:
- Process your previous relationship. Give yourself time to grieve if you need to, and prioritize and rediscover yourself. Also, if you are going through a divorce, it may be best to wait until the divorce is fully finalized before jumping into any new relationships. Entering a relationship during the process can complicate the situation — especially if there are children involved.
- Reflect on your wants, needs, and values in a relationship. Are they the same as they were when you went into your last relationship? If they’ve changed, how so? Make the effort here to think about what you want from your life and any relationships you enter.
Once you’ve taken some time to think about what you’re looking for, you’re ready to get back on the dating scene! Here are a few tips to keep in mind as you begin dating again.
Leverage Your Experience
If you’re recently coming out of a long-term relationship or a marriage, you have a wealth of knowledge that you didn’t have the last time you were swimming in the dating pool. You’ve grown as a person and likely have different priorities, preferences, values, and needs in a relationship.
You may also have more experience with identifying specific patterns or red and green flags for you in a relationship that can help you find a great partner who will support and love you. This experience allows you to be more specific about what you are looking for and what is a no-go for you at this point in your life.
Take Your Time
You’ve just gotten out of a long-term relationship. You’re likely a different person than when you were last going on first dates. And you’ll likely need time to learn exactly what these changes mean for you and how you want to progress in the dating world. This is all normal. There is no right or wrong amount of time you should spend on finding the right partner for you. Take all the time you need to ensure you aren’t rushing into something if you’re not ready for it.
The First Date “Interview”
Alright, you probably don’t want to treat the first date with a potential partner exactly like an interview, but there is a lot to be said about how you approach that nerve-wracking first meeting. You want to get to know them and what they’re looking for in a relationship while also making a good impression.
Many of us tend to lean towards only thinking things like “I hope they like me,” or “are they going to want a second date.” And while, of course, we all want to put our best foot forward when we meet someone new, it is important to realize that this meeting is also the time for you to figure out if your date is a good fit for you and your life as well. They might not be, and that’s totally fine!
Be Honest
While you don’t need to dive into all of the details of your previous relationship in the first 10 minutes of meeting someone, you never want to lie or leave out important information about where you are in your life right now. You want to build a healthy relationship and the best way to do that is through trust and understanding.
It may take time before you feel you’ve built enough trust to be vulnerable with a new person, and you don’t have to go into any details until you feel comfortable doing so. But, it is a good idea to be upfront about coming out of a serious relationship and what you are looking for in a relationship now.
Don’t Be Afraid to Branch Out
Trying new things is one of the best parts of being human. It keeps life interesting and helps us to learn and grow as we progress through our lives. Also, it can be one of the best ways to meet that new special person.
So don’t shy away from something just because it is a little bit outside of your comfort zone. Maybe you’ve never tried online dating and want to give it a shot this time around. Or maybe you’ve always wanted to take a cooking class or go to a Comic Con. No matter what it is, making the effort to step outside of your comfort zone can be an incredible way to make new connections and find new passions in your life.
And don’t worry, if you try something and find it’s just not for you, that’s okay. You’ve just learned something new about yourself and that’s great. There will always be something else you can explore!
Bonus Tip for Dating With Kids: Introductions
If you have kids, you may have a few more reservations about getting back into dating and introducing any new serious relationships into your life. Chief among these is probably how to tell your kids about your new partner.
Realistically, there is no magic number of days, dates, or milestones that determine when you should introduce your new partner to your kids. When you do this is up to you and your family. You may want to do introductions as soon as you start dating to gauge whether or not your potential partner and your kids get along well. Or, on the other hand, maybe you keep wanting to put off introductions until you know for sure that your new partner and you get along very well. Both of these are valid approaches and what you end up doing will depend on your situation and what you think is best for your family.
Generally speaking, a good time to do introductions is once you and your new partner are ready to begin a serious relationship. Make sure you talk to your partner about your priorities, values, and goals, and make sure they are on the same page as you. It may also help to tell your ex about your new relationship before you tell your kids so they do not feel responsible for relaying the news — this can cause unneeded tension and stress for your kids as they adjust during this transition.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or are simply looking for some help processing the change and identifying healthy relationship behaviors to cultivate moving forward, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Love Heal Grow today to get in touch with one of our therapists.
