What is kink?

As a Sex Therapist and sex educator I often get asked “What is kink?” more times than I can count. To answer: Kink is an umbrella term for a set of activities that 1 or more folks partake in to derive pleasure, healing, pain, euphoria, ect. Essentially, kink is an act of play that incorporates certain interests that are viewed as “unusual” to other folks in society (ex: getting whipped, smacked, restrained). Although many folks interchange Kink and BDSM, BDSM is actually a specific acronym for acts within the kink umbrella (i.e. Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism).

For some, Kink can sound scary, perverted, or disgusting but the fear surrounding kink usually stems from not knowing what kink is. The truth is, lots of people partake in everyday kinky habits, such as slapping your partner’s ass, consensually restraining someone in bed, and pretending to just have met at a bar. Kink is a way to play out your fantasies in real life and allow yourself the liberty of getting messy and perverted. Regardless of how weird it gets, having kinks is NORMAL!

Having Kink’s, fantasies, and specific interests can be intriguing. Though, one of the most important things to remember when exploring kink are the essential rules for safe kink engagement. Many folks invested in kink are connected through three non-negotiable rules:

  • Consent is priority and must be given freely, willingly, and non-coerced
  • Folks safety and risk is assessed throughout kink 
  • Folks’ comfort levels are discussed, negotiated with, and prioritized in every scene no-matter their role. 

So why do people like it?

People enjoy kink for a multitude of reasons a few of these being:

Receiving or giving pleasure with different sensations
Channeling a dominant or submissive side of them
Creating fun and playful scenarios that they otherwise would not be able to act on 

Providing folks with settings to socialize with like-minded people

Engaging kink has also been shown to decrease stress, stimulate better mental health and euphoric feelings, release endorphins, decrease sensitivity to rejection, and create a stronger immune system.

BUT, Kink is not for everyone so keep in mind that you don’t have to try it. Just don’t yuck anyone’s yums! 

If you are interested in exploring Kink in more depth, here are a few started resources for your journey:

  1. Read Playing Well With Others
  2. Follow accounts like @thekinkeducator and @lifewflo
  3. Talk to a sex therapist (like me)

If you find yourself needing a little more support whether alone or with your partner(s), I’d love to work with you at Love Heal Grow Counseling – Schedule an appointment with me today). I specialize in kink, BDSM, non-monogamy, and sex therapy.

At Love Heal Grow we have a variety of other therapists who can also assist you. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us at Love Heal Grow today to get in touch with one of our therapists

flo sex couples therapist sacramento
Hi, I’m Flo Oliveira, therapist for individuals and couples at Love Heal Grow Counseling.

I help​ individuals and couples who want to rediscover themselves, their sexual intimacy, and pleasure. You can experience more fulfillment in your life and relationships! I’m here to support you.

You can read more about me or schedule an appointment here: About Flo

Love Heal Grow Relationship Therapy Center Sacramento

Free Relationship Therapy Starter Pack

*How to Find a Therapist

*What to Expect in Your First Appointment

*How to Get the Most Out of Therapy

*How to talk to your boss about going to therapy during the workday

*How to seek reimbursement for therapy from your PPO plan

*Over twenty pages of relationship and life stressor tips and exercises that it would usually take 10+ therapy sessions to cover.

Check your email!