When Body Insecurities Affect Your Sex Life

by

 

A couple sits in my office.  One partner is sad and frustrated that the other doesn’t seem to be interested in sex anymore.  They are feeling very rejected.

 

The other partner says quietly, eyes looking down, “Honestly, it’s not about you.  I don’t like my body.  This weight I’ve gained, I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror.  I don’t know how you’re attracted to me…when you touch me, all I can think about is what I want to change about my stomach.”  A tear begins to well in their eye.

 

When we don’t feel good about our bodies, sex can seem like the last thing we want to do.  There’s a lot of pressure we get about needing to look a certain way in order to be sexy (usually from media and sometimes from people we know, or worst of all from past or current partners).

 

We soak up these messages like sponges and we start believing them.

 

Pardon my crassness, but eff that.

 

Your body is wonderful (and sexy) just the way it is because our bodies were made to feel sensations.  The touch of another person can ease stress, anxiety and depression; it can give us a rush of happy hormones, helping us bond on a deep and intimate level.

 

We might not be able to stop these negative messages from existing, but let’s start adding some positive ones, too.

 

And listen to me: Fat bodies can be sexy.  Skinny bodies can be sexy.  Vulvas and penises of all kinds, shapes and sizes can be sexy.  Hands, mouths, your voice, your touch all can be sexy.

 

There aren’t limitations on what is sexy unless you let them exist.

 

Don’t believe me, but want to?  Talking through your thoughts and feelings about your body and sex with an experienced therapist (either alone or with your partner) can help.

 

If you are ready to get support around this or other relationship issues, you can schedule an appointment with one of our therapists.  We’re here to help.

 

 

 

 

 

Love Heal Grow Therapists
Filter & Find Your Match

Megan Negendank, LMFT, CST Founder (she/her)

Megan Negendank, LMFT, CST Founder (she/her)

CEO & Founder | 450 per session | Not accepting clients
Madison Hamzy, LMFT (she/her)

Madison Hamzy, LMFT (she/her)

Therapist & Assistant Director | 250 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Intimate Connection & Less Stress, Men with ED or ADHD, People who get stuck in their heads and worry a lot | Waitlist Only
Natalie Delfin, LCSW (she/they)

Natalie Delfin, LCSW (she/they)

Therapist & Assistant Director | 230 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, More Pleasurable Sex, Learning to express feelings, CNM & Kink, QTBIPOC, Couples with differing sexual desires
Rachel Cloud, LCSW (she/her)

Rachel Cloud, LCSW (she/her)

Therapist & Clinical Supervisor | 220 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Healing from Abuse & Betrayal, Queer & Trans Identity, People who care deeply and are told they are "too much"
Ann Marie McKnight, LMFT (she/her)

Ann Marie McKnight, LMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 250 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Grief & Loss, Childhood Emotional Neglect, Family Therapy for Parents & Adult Children | Waitlist Only
Linda Rolufs, LMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Linda Rolufs, LMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist | 240 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Anxiety & OCD, Menopausal and post-menopausal women wanting more pleasure in sex, Women who feel invisible
Ashley Barnes, LMFT (she/her)

Ashley Barnes, LMFT (she/her)

Assistant Director
Maegan Tanner, LMFT (she/her)

Maegan Tanner, LMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 200 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Stress & Burnout, LGBTQ+, People who judge themselves a lot
Susan DuBay, LMFT (she/they)

Susan DuBay, LMFT (she/they)

IFS Therapist | 225 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Communication & Intimacy, Healing from Betrayal & Trauma, LGBTQ+ | Waitlist Only
Emily Alampi, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Emily Alampi, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist | 180 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Queer & Trans, Neurodivergent Relationship Challenges, People who feel like they don't fit in
Charisse Brass, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Charisse Brass, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist | 180 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Moms & Parenting Couples, Emotional & Physical Connection, Postpartum, Stress Management | Early AM available
Joanna de Leon, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Joanna de Leon, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist | 180 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Burnout & Pressure to be Successful, Immigrants & First Gen, Current & Former Athletes, People who Avoid Conflict
Flo Oliveira, AMFT (they/them)

Flo Oliveira, AMFT (they/them)

Sex Therapist | 170 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, QTBIPOC, More Pleasure in Sex, CNM & Kink Affirming, People worried about their porn-use & sexual behaviors | Not accepting new clients
Maria Dimachkie, ACSW (she/her)

Maria Dimachkie, ACSW (she/her)

Trauma Therapist | 180 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Survivors of Trauma: Sexual Assault & Relationship Abuse; People who have been hurt by loved ones; People who question themselves a lot | Waitlist Only
Madilyn Schweikert, AMFT (she/her)

Madilyn Schweikert, AMFT (she/her)

Therapist | Not accepting new clients
Hannah Slicton-Williams, LMFT (she/her)

Hannah Slicton-Williams, LMFT (she/her)

Trauma Therapist | 240 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Healing from Trauma - Relationship Abuse, Violence, and Sexual Assault, Love after Trauma
Abby Hollandsworth, AMFT (she/they)

Abby Hollandsworth, AMFT (she/they)

Therapist | 180 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Communication & Intimate Connection, Anxiety-Depression-Anger, LGBTQ+, Religious Trauma & Grief
Liza Haroldson, LCSW (she/her)

Liza Haroldson, LCSW (she/her)

Therapist | 240 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Disconnected & Bickering Couples, Depleted & Exhausted Working Moms, Low Self Esteem, Trauma & Anxiety
Justine Marine, AMFT (she/her)

Justine Marine, AMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 170 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Emotional & Physical Connection, Parenting, Trauma
Jamie Silva, AMFT (she/her)

Jamie Silva, AMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 170 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Childhood and Adult Relationship Attachment Wounds, Emotional & Physical Connection | Waitlist Only
Emily Sharp, ACSW

Emily Sharp, ACSW

Therapist | 160 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Trauma & Anxiety, Perfectionism & people who put the needs of others ahead of their own | Weekends available
Larissa Manalansan, AMFT (she/her)

Larissa Manalansan, AMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 160 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, People Pleasers, Longterm relationships, Trauma: Guilt & Shame | Night & Weekend openings
No results found.
Love Heal Grow Relationship Therapy Center Sacramento

Free Relationship Therapy Starter Pack

*How to Find a Therapist

*What to Expect in Your First Appointment

*How to Get the Most Out of Therapy

*How to talk to your boss about going to therapy during the workday

*How to seek reimbursement for therapy from your PPO plan

*Over twenty pages of relationship and life stressor tips and exercises that it would usually take 10+ therapy sessions to cover.

Check your email!