My heart breaks every time a woman with male partner comes into my office convinced she is the only woman in the world with a higher sex drive than her boyfriend/husband. She tells me like she’s sharing a shameful secret. Like even I, a sex therapist, will exclaim, “Oh, dear! Something is very wrong with you–women shouldn’t want so much sex!” or “This sounds like a case of your partner not being attracted to you–men never turn down sex!”
I want to call BS on these negative thoughts and fears. Want to know the truth? Women enjoy sex. All people have different sex drives that are influenced by MANY things and can change through time. And wait for it: sometimes heterosexual women want more sex than their male partners–and that is normal and okay!
Once we get that nonsense out of the way (“You mean I’m normal?” “Yes.” “Really?” “Really and truly.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, you are so normal, I have this same conversation multiple times a month!”)–we can ease in to the real problem the couple is likely facing: mismatched levels of sexual desire…an issue almost every long term relationship faces sometime.
And how do we work through this? Communication, education, empathy and sometimes helping one or both partners improve their sexual health and satisfaction.
Sound like something you would like support with? If so, you can schedule a session with one of our therapists. We’re here to help.
