Perfectionism How to Love Yourself When It Feels Like You Aren’t Enough

Perfectionists. We know them, we love them, maybe… we are them. 


You might be thinking, well what’s so wrong with being a perfectionist? 


Hear me out – there is a distinct difference between the pursuit of growth and achievement, and the pursuit of protecting ourselves against what it feels like to be wrong, to make a mistake, or to be judged. 


For most of us perfectionists (myself included), perfectionism has acted as the driving force of our success. 


Perhaps it led to you getting your dream job, earning a scholarship or promotion, or executing the perfect vacation itinerary. 


This trait can function to support your goals, relationships, or health. But it also comes at a cost. 


I promise I’m not asking you to leave behind your organizational magic or incredible work ethic. 


Instead, I’m asking you to consider what lies beneath the surface of your perfectionism. What’s under may free you in ways you never knew possible.


We aren’t born perfect, rather the world around us shapes our desire to be. 


At the root of perfectionism is fear. A fear of inadequacy and disappointment, a fear of unpredictability and lack of control, or the big one… a fear of failure. 


Living in fear prevents us from experiencing ourselves wholly and authentically. 


Take a mental note (I forgot who I was talking to, get out your favorite notebook) of all the ways you try to be perfect. 


A perfect student, a perfect employee, a perfect partner, a perfect friend, a perfect parent, a perfect boss, a perfect appearance, a perfect athlete, a perfect writer, a perfect child… Now ask yourself, who benefits from my perfectionism and what does it cost me? 


Perfectionism robs us of being present – of enjoying the little moments that lead to something great. It takes away our sense of humor, our ability to laugh at the messy and ugly parts of life and ourselves. 


Perfectionism costs us peace. Denying criticism from ourselves and others frees us from the power of our innermost fears. When we accept our flaws and mistakes, we learn to love ourselves completely. 


There is no space for peace when perfectionism is a priority” – Christian Bosse, poet


As you start to make room for peace in your life, have the courage to be imperfect. 


Want some support with this from someone who has been there? Schedule an appointment with me at Love Heal Grow for therapy—I’d love to support you.

Madison Hamzy therapist sacramento

Hi, I’m Madison Hamzy, therapist for individuals and couples at Love Heal Grow Counseling.

You can experience more fulfillment in your life and relationships! I’m here to support you.

You can read more about me or schedule an appointment here: About Madison

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