You may be frustrated, embarrassed, or even disappointed that you have not been able to achieve an orgasm. Maybe you are new to the world of sexual intimacy, and you are worried that something may be wrong if you are not able to orgasm (with or without your partner). Before anything else, know that there is nothing wrong with you. 

Unfortunately, the absence of orgasms (also called anorgasmia) is a very common occurrence. Many of these women may not have had their first orgasm due to not being exposed to the type of sexual experiences they enjoy. So, if you are worried or stressed about not orgasming during solo or partnered sexual activities, there is still hope for you to find out what works for you.

How Can Sex Therapy Help?

Knowing why we are not orgasming can be incredibly important in helping us to overcome the challenge and reach that pleasurable state. But knowing where to start can be extremely difficult. A sex therapist is a professional trained to help couples and individuals navigate their sexual problems, understand them, and overcome them.

Talking to a sex therapist can help you better understand why you may not be able to achieve orgasms right now and find ways to work towards your first orgasm. Like other forms of therapy, sex therapy helps you more effectively understand your mind and body. This can help you address any issues or lack of understanding of your own needs that prevent you from orgasming during sex or even during masturbation. 

Tips for Achieving Your First Orgasm

Here are some tips that may help you work towards achieving your first orgasm. 

Get to Know Your Body

Maybe you’ve tried masturbation before and had no luck reaching an orgasm. Maybe you’ve never earnestly tried exploring your body before, and you are unsure of where to start. The simple truth here is that getting to know your own body — its desires and preferences — is the key to learning how to reach an orgasm. 

If you don’t know where to start, just start exploring! There is no right or wrong when it comes to what makes you feel good. Simply follow your feelings and note what does and what does not feel good.

Change Your Goal

Having the ever-present pressure of orgasming at the front of (or even in the back of) your mind can completely kill any mood you may be enjoying. In other words, constantly stressing about not being able to orgasm or wondering if you are going to orgasm this time can deaden your feelings and make your body less responsive to the pleasure it is feeling.

Rather than chase after orgasm, simply relax and enjoy the feelings of pleasure that whatever sexual activity is bringing for you. 

Keep Your Partner in the Loop

If you find something that you enjoy, let your partner know. Keep in mind that they want to provide you with the same pleasure that you provide them with. But, if they do not know what it is that you like, it can be extremely difficult for them to do this. So, anytime you discover something that works for you, tell your partner. Let them know how they can help you. 

Practice Healthy Habits

If you find yourself having a lower-than-usual sex drive, you may want to take a look at what your current lifestyle habits are. Your health can affect many areas of your life, and your sex drive is one of these things. Hormonal imbalances, depression, anxiety, or other issues can cause a decrease in libido and limit your ability to orgasm.

So, ensure that you are eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and incorporating movement into your day to be as healthy as possible.

Prioritize Self-Care

Make a morning routine. Make an evening routine. Go out for a walk through the park. Make your favorite warm beverage and a sweet treat. Take a few moments each day to journal, reflect, or meditate. Do whatever you do that brings you peace and joy. When we are too stressed out, we are going to have much more trouble reaching orgasm than when we are relaxed and living in the moment. 

Make yourself and your peace of mind a priority in your schedule.

Be Patient

If you’ve been struggling with finding your orgasm for months or even years, you need to understand that this isn’t going to be a quick process. Determining why you cannot orgasm and addressing any underlying reasons can take time. It is crucial to be patient with yourself during this time. You are working to better understand your body and its needs — not shame it for “not behaving.”

Seek Professional Support

Many of these tips are things that a sex therapist may recommend or discuss with you in a therapy session. But, it is important to note that not all of these tips may work for everyone. Similarly, not all of these tips will be enough to help everyone achieve their first orgasm. 

We are all different, and we all require different attention. In order to get the personalized guidance you need to overcome the issue you are having with orgasming, you may want to consider reaching out to one of our sex therapists at Love Heal Grow to schedule a session.


Love Heal Grow Relationship Therapy Center Sacramento

Free Relationship Therapy Starter Pack

*How to Find a Therapist

*What to Expect in Your First Appointment

*How to Get the Most Out of Therapy

*How to talk to your boss about going to therapy during the workday

*How to seek reimbursement for therapy from your PPO plan

*Over twenty pages of relationship and life stressor tips and exercises that it would usually take 10+ therapy sessions to cover.

Check your email!