Public Speaking, Performance Anxiety…and Sex.

by

Have you heard that statistic that public speaking is most people’s number one fear – rated higher for most folks than their fear of death?

 

It’s often not the actual act of speaking publicly that we are afraid of. It’s all the negative thoughts and fears in our heads that create the anxiety we feel.

 

“What if I say the wrong thing? What if I sound stupid? Will they laugh at me? Will I sound weird? What if my mind goes blank? What if I talk too fast? Will they judge me?”

 

My hands are sweating and my heart is beating just typing these words.

 

All of these negative thoughts can lead to different symptoms like speech impediments when were speaking, avoiding public speaking all together, sweating nervously, feeling panic in our bodies–or complete panic attacks.

 

So, let’s think about this: a very common (maybe universal?) fear is putting ourselves out there and being judged, rejected, and not good enough.

 

OK… so how does this relate to sex?

 

Most of the time when folks come into my office with sexual difficulties, performance anxiety is playing a role.

 

The symptoms can look different depending on the person or couple: maybe they are avoiding sex, or have a low sex drive. Maybe they are overthinking things, experiencing feelings of panic, orgasming too fast or not at all.  Or having problems with arousal like dryness or erectile dysfunction.

 

But inside, they are having very similar negative thoughts we might have during public speaking:

 

“What will they think of me? Will they like what I’m doing? What if I mess it up somehow?”

 

Very different situations but very similar internal feelings, thoughts, and outcomes.

 

All to say: you’re not a big weirdo if you have performance anxiety. It is super common and there are research-based ways to treat it.

 

I love helping folks with performance anxiety whether it relates to sex or any social situation and here’s what I know:

 

  1. Just talking about it in therapy or with others decreases the anxiety because it forces us to get out of our head.

 

  1. We cannot perform sexually, socially, or athletically to the best of our abilities if our body is stressed. Negative thoughts increase panic symptoms and there are research-based methods to get out of her head while relaxing into our bodies to a place of calm and connection.

 

You can enjoy sex again.

 

Reach out for sex therapy to support you with your performance anxiety.

Love Heal Grow Therapists
Filter & Find Your Match

Megan Negendank, LMFT, CST Founder (she/her)

Megan Negendank, LMFT, CST Founder (she/her)

CEO & Founder | 450 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Relationship Trauma, Emotional & Physical Intimacy, Executives & Creatives
Madison Hamzy, LMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Madison Hamzy, LMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist & Assistant Director | 250 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Intimate Connection & Less Stress, Men with ED or ADHD, People who get stuck in their heads and worry a lot
Natalie Delfin, LCSW (she/they)

Natalie Delfin, LCSW (she/they)

Therapist & Clinical Supervisor | 200 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, More Pleasurable Sex, Men learning to express feelings, CNM & Kink, Queer & Trans
Rachel Cloud, LCSW (she/her)

Rachel Cloud, LCSW (she/her)

Therapist & Clinical Supervisor | 200 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Healing from Abuse & Betrayal, Queer & Trans Identity, People who care deeply and are told they are "too much"
Ann Marie McKnight, LMFT (she/her)

Ann Marie McKnight, LMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 250 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Grief & Loss, Childhood Emotional Neglect, Family Therapy for Parents & Adult Children
Jessie Regan, LMFT (she/her)

Jessie Regan, LMFT (she/her)

Therapist & Clinical Supervisor | 270 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Healing from Infidelity, Discernment & Divorce, Workplace Stress & Pressure
Linda Rolufs, LMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Linda Rolufs, LMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist | 240 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Anxiety & OCD, Menopausal and post-menopausal women wanting more pleasure in sex, Women who feel invisible
Ashley Barnes, LMFT (she/her)

Ashley Barnes, LMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 200 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, High-Achievers & Type-A Personalities, Intimacy & Connection, Low Self Esteem, Trauma & Anxiety
Lindsay Glass, LMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Lindsay Glass, LMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist | 200 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Parenting Couples, Cycle-breaking Moms, Deep Thinkers & Deep Feelers
Maegan Tanner, AMFT (she/her)

Maegan Tanner, AMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 170 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Stress & Burnout, LGBTQ+, People who judge themselves a lot
Susan DuBay, LMFT (she/they)

Susan DuBay, LMFT (she/they)

IFS Therapist | 200 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Communication & Intimacy, LGBTQ+, Folks wanting to go deep in their trauma work
Emily Alampi, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Emily Alampi, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist | 170 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Anxiety & Stress, Frustration & Anger, Queer & Trans, Neurodivergence, People who feel like they don't fit in
Charisse Brass, AMFT (she/her)

Charisse Brass, AMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 170 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Emotional & Physical Connection, Stress & Burnout in Highly Productive People, Existential Angst & Life Meaning
Joanna de Leon, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Joanna de Leon, AMFT (Online Only, she/her)

Therapist | 170 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Burnout & Pressure to be Successful, Immigrants & First Gen, Current & Former Athletes, People who Avoid Conflict
Flo Oliveira, AMFT (they/them)

Flo Oliveira, AMFT (they/them)

Sex Therapist | 170 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, QTBIPOC, More Pleasure in Sex, CNM & Kink Affirming, People worried about their porn-use & sexual behaviors
Maria Dimachkie, ACSW (she/her)

Maria Dimachkie, ACSW (she/her)

Trauma Therapist | 180 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Survivors of Trauma: Sexual Assault & Relationship Abuse; People who have been hurt by loved ones; People who question themselves a lot
Samaria Parada, AMFT (she/ella)

Samaria Parada, AMFT (she/ella)

Bilingual Therapist | 160 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Communication & Connection, Family & Cultural Stress & Trauma, BIPOC & First Gen
Madilyn Schweikert, AMFT (she/her)

Madilyn Schweikert, AMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 160 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Communication & Intimacy, Betrayal & Infidelity, Couples with age gaps, Creatives & Sensitive People
Ella Sword, AMFT (she/her)

Ella Sword, AMFT (she/her)

Therapist | 160 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Communication & Connection, Parenting, Anxiety & Depression
Hannah Slicton-Williams, LMFT (she/her)

Hannah Slicton-Williams, LMFT (she/her)

Trauma Therapist | 200 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Healing from Trauma - Relationship Abuse, Violence, and Sexual Assault, Love after Trauma
Abby Hollandsworth, AMFT (she/they)

Abby Hollandsworth, AMFT (she/they)

Therapist | 160 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Communication & Intimate Connection, Anxiety-Depression-Anger, LGBTQ+, Religious Trauma & Grief
Ashlene Kaur Sandhu (she/her)

Ashlene Kaur Sandhu (she/her)

Therapist | Sliding Scale (100-140 per session) | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Connection & Intimacy, Perfectionism & Low Self-Esteem, Cultural Pressure & Relationship with Parents
Liza Haroldson, LCSW (she/her)

Liza Haroldson, LCSW (she/her)

Therapist | 200 per session | Relationship & Sex Therapy, Intimacy & Connection, Parents, Healing from Trauma & Anxiety
Love Heal Grow Relationship Therapy Center Sacramento

Free Relationship Therapy Starter Pack

*How to Find a Therapist

*What to Expect in Your First Appointment

*How to Get the Most Out of Therapy

*How to talk to your boss about going to therapy during the workday

*How to seek reimbursement for therapy from your PPO plan

*Over twenty pages of relationship and life stressor tips and exercises that it would usually take 10+ therapy sessions to cover.

Check your email!